🪖“What Country's Next?” Edition

Having crossed the Rubicon by announcing the United States is now “in charge” of Venezuela, Donald Trump has apparently decided the hemisphere is a tasting menu. The world is now left asking not why the U.S. invaded Venezuela, but who’s next—a guessing game Trump eagerly fueled by name-checking Greenland, Cuba, and Colombia like territories on a Risk game board.

Greenland tops the watch list. Trump says America “needs” the vast Arctic island for national security, dismissing Denmark’s objections and NATO niceties as paperwork problems. After mocking Denmark for adding “one more dog sled” to Greenland’s defenses, Trump’s orbit helpfully posted a Stars-and-Stripes Greenland map labeled “SOON,” because it’s better to telegraph our intentions publicly before Pete Hegseth can give it away in a Signal group chat.

Cuba and Colombia aren’t feeling relaxed either. Secretary of State Marco Rubio warned Cuba it’s “in a lot of trouble,” blaming Havana for guarding Venezuela’s ousted leader Nicolás Maduro and hinting that decades of hostility could use a military sequel. Trump, for his part, predicted Cuba is “going down for the count,” a phrase he casually deployed as if he were addressing one of his porn star girlfriends in a hotel room.

Then there’s Colombia. Trump labeled President Gustavo Petro a “sick man” who likes selling cocaine, sanctioned his circle, slashed aid, expanded U.S. strikes to Colombian-linked routes—and when asked if military action against Colombia might be next, replied, “It sounds good to me.” The administration insists this is all part of restoring “American preeminence” under a rebranded Monroe Doctrine—now apparently the “Don-roe Doctrine”—where U.S. interests come first, borders are suggestions, and diplomacy is optional.

Trump’s foreign policy has become a live audition for the next invasion. Greenland has minerals, Cuba has communists, Colombia has drugs—and Venezuela has oil. If this keeps up, the safest place on the map may be whichever country Trump hasn’t mentioned. Yet.

Chris Britt - Creators

Jeff Daniziger - Tribune Content Agency

Jeff Koterba - cagle.com/koterba

Clay Jones - Substack and Claytoonz

Joel Pett - Tribune Content Agency

Nick Anderson - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

Lalo Alcaraz - Andrews McMeel

Michael Ramirez - Creators

Jimmy Margulies - King Features

According to the scholars who literally wrote the book on tech bubbles, artificial intelligence isn’t just a bubble. It’s the collector’s edition, platinum-plated, director’s cut of bubbles. The kind you’d design on purpose if your goal was to combine maximum uncertainty, maximum hype, maximum cash incineration, and a bedtime story so powerful investors stop asking how any of this actually makes money. By their checklist—uncertainty, pure-play companies, novice investors, and an irresistible narrative—AI scores a perfect 8 out of 8, a rating normally reserved for historic financial faceplants.

The uncertainty alone is doing heroic work. Nobody can quite explain what AI’s killer business model is supposed to be, but everyone agrees it will be everything: search engine, doctor, lawyer, boss, god. Executives openly admit they’re losing money on every query, burning billions while promising that artificial general intelligence will eventually explain how to turn a profit. The goalposts move daily: today it’s productivity, tomorrow it’s superintelligence, next week it’s “don’t worry about it.” Investors nod solemnly and buy more stock.

Then come the pure plays and the narrative engines. Nvidia is now valued like a small planet. OpenAI is being whispered about as a future trillion-dollar IPO despite the minor inconvenience of not having a sustainable business. Retail investors—armed with Robinhood apps and vibes—are piling in, convinced they’re getting in early on the future, even though the future currently consists of chatbots hallucinating legal cases and summarizing emails no one wanted summarized.

What truly elevates AI from “regular bubble” to “all-time great” is the story: AI will cure cancer, end work, beat China, save capitalism, destroy capitalism, and maybe write your memoirs. It’s aviation plus radio plus dot-coms, but faster, louder, and pumped directly into your pension fund. The verdict from bubble experts is unanimous: this thing hits every warning sign. Buyer beware. And maybe keep an eye on your 401(k) while the machines promise immortality.