☠️“War Crimes” Edition

It turns out there is one thing that can still shock the Trump administration: someone reminding the U.S. military that they’re not supposed to commit war crimes.

When six Democratic veterans posted a video saying troops should refuse illegal orders—a concept so basic it’s practically printed on flashcards at military boot camp—Trump reacted like they’d announced a coup live on TikTok.

He accused them of “SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR … PUNISHABLE BY DEATH!”

Why the volcanic outrage?

Well, possibly because the warnings about illegal orders hit a little too close to home.

The Washington Post reported that Hegseth personally ordered a second strike to finish off survivors of a blown-up drug boat, because what’s the point of having muscle if you can’t flex it?

The Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) tried to cover for the strike with excuses so flimsy even a toddler caught with cookie crumbs knows better:

“We didn’t want the survivors calling for help.”

“The boat was blocking traffic.”

“Mercury was in retrograde.”

Legal experts quickly chimed in: Yes, killing unarmed people floating in wreckage is indeed a war crime, no matter how many times Hegseth posts memes of cartoon turtles blowing up drug boats for Christmas.

And naturally, while Trump is threatening to execute Democrats for reminding soldiers not to break the law, he’s simultaneously pardoning a convicted drug-trafficking ex-president of Honduras, because in Trump’s America, the only thing illegal is not being in his good graces.

So, when lawmakers caution the military about unlawful orders?

Of course Trump and Hegseth flip out.

When you live in a palace of wanton criminality, the phrase “illegal orders” is a little too on-the-nose.

But in our new Orwellian universe…

War crimes = patriotic.

Constitutional reminders = treason.

Spray tans and combovers = dead sexy.

Totally normal behavior from the political movement that claims to “Back the Blue,” “Support the Troops,” and “Cherish the Constitution” (terms and conditions apply).

Nick Anderson - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

Clay Bennett - Tribune Content Agency

Bill Bramhall - Tribune Content Agency

Michael de Adder - cagle.com/de-adder

Ted Rall - Andrews McMeel

Joe Heller - Hellertoon.com

RJ Matson - cagle.com/matson

Rob Rogers - Andrews McMeel

KAL - Substack and Andrews McMeel

Trump’s Ukraine “peace plan” is now looking slightly less like it was ghostwritten by the Kremlin, which is why President Zelenskyy is now politely calling it “better”: the diplomatic equivalent of telling your kid their crayon drawing no longer looks like a your pitbull dragged his sphincter across it.

Zelenskyy spent Monday bouncing between European capitals like a man speed-dating for security guarantees. After meeting Macron, he announced that the revised U.S. plan is now “improved,” meaning it may no longer require Ukraine to disband its army, cede half the country to Russia, and install Putin to the Iron Throne.

As all of this unfolds, Trump insists the original 28-point plan—otherwise known as “Putin’s Christmas wish list”—was only a “concept,” now to be “fine-tuned,” which is Trump-speak for, “I’m making this up as I go.”

Meanwhile, Russia is still bombing Ukrainian cities, Ukraine is still striking Russian oil tankers, and Putin is still posing in military fatigues at mystery bunkers like he’s auditioning for a reboot of Hacksaw Ridge.

So yes, the “peace process” is moving forward, but hopefully not into the salivating maw of the Russian ursus.