🛫“TSA on ICE”Edition

Mar 24, 2026

With TSA agents skipping work after weeks of not being paid—apparently “volunteer for the federal government” wasn’t in the job description—security lines have stretched into geological time. Passengers are now advised to arrive three to four hours early, or simply move into the terminal and start forwarding their mail.

Enter the solution: ICE agents. Because when your airport is clogged, what you really need is a different federal agency with an entirely different mission and a much more intimidating vibe.

Officials insist ICE is just there for “support” (think crowd control, light airport duties, and tear gas dissemination). Also, they can make arrests. But that’s not why they’re there. Probably.

In a nice touch of branding, agents have been asked to remove their masks at airports so as not to alarm travelers, so you are fully able to identify the person who might tackle and detain you near Gate B12.

Meanwhile, lawmakers remain locked in a high-stakes game of chicken over funding, ensuring that the people actually trained to run airport security continue to stay home, unpaid, while a different set of federal agents fills in like substitute teachers on the last day before summer break.

Airport officials are concerned. Civil rights groups are concerned. Travelers are sleeping on the floor.

But on the bright side, if your flight gets delayed long enough, you might qualify for residency.