🗞️“Trump vs. The WSJ” Edition
Regarding Jeffrey Epstein, of course
The Wall Street Journal last week reported that for Jeffrey Epstein’s 50th birthday, Ghislaine Maxwell lovingly compiled a leather-bound scrapbook of creepy tributes from his rich and powerful pals. Among the highlights: a letter allegedly from Donald Trump, typed over the silhouette of a naked woman, complete with “Donald” scrawled where the pubic hair should be. Classy.
Trump, naturally, is now furiously denying the letter’s authenticity. “I never wrote a picture,” declared the man whose art skills were apparently too sophisticated for boob doodles but not for NOAA hurricane forecast maps.
For what it’s worth, none of our cartoonists ever “wrote a picture” either. They tend to draw them.
The scrapbook also featured billionaire Leslie Wexner and Alan Dershowitz, because what’s a convicted sex offender’s birthday without lingerie moguls and sleazy constitutional law professors?
Democrats are now demanding subpoenas. Trump is complaining reporters are wasting time asking about “that creep.” And the American public is once again reminded that being fabulously wealthy comes with birthday albums, private jets, and a full immunity punch card.
Meanwhile, Trump’s administration has turned the release of Epstein’s files into a political game of Truth or Dare, except the reward for picking “truth” is retribution.
In Trump’s bold defense of free speech—his own—the White House has heroically ejected the Wall Street Journal from the press pool for President Trump’s weekend golf-and-grudge tour of Scotland. The sudden media Mulligan came after Trump, in response, did what any innocent man would do: deny everything and sue for $10 billion.
Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, reading from a scroll of loyalty oaths, clarified that covering the President is a privilege, not a right, and that all 7.9 billion people on Earth are currently vying for one of the 13 golden tickets aboard Air Force One. “The Journal,” she sniffed, “will not be flying Willy Wonka class.”
The Journal’s response to the ban: silence—possibly because their reporters are still trying to figure out how to cover a president who sues newspapers while denying birthday greetings like they’re classified state secrets.
But don’t worry: Trump says the whole thing is fake. Just like climate change, election losses, and accountability.
Golf trip still on. Press freedom, not so much.
Rob Rogers - Andrews McMeel
KAL - Andrews McMeel
Jack Ohman - Tribune Content Agency
Christ Britt - Creators
Nick Anderson - Tribune Content Agency
Clay Jones - Claytoonz
Bill Bramhall - Tribune Content Agency
Clay Bennett - Tribune Content Agency
Jack Ohman - Tribune Content Agency
Paul Lander and Dan McConnell
CBS wants you to know that canceling The Late Show with Stephen Colbert has nothing—absolutely nothing—to do with politics, presidential tantrums, or settling lawsuits with the most thin-skinned man in America. Nope. It’s purely about money. Just cold, hard capitalism. And if you believe that, we have a $16 million “60 Minutes” interview settlement we’d like to sell you.
The network that once stood behind fearless journalism is now bravely running for the hills, ducking behind PowerPoint slides about “market headwinds” and “late-night fatigue,” while whispering “please don’t tweet at us, Mr. President.”
Sure, Colbert consistently beat his competition in ratings, but CBS says the show just couldn’t pay for itself anymore. Apparently, truthiness now comes with a price tag, and it was just slightly more than CBS could afford—especially while trying to merge with Skydance, whose prospective boss is the son of a billionaire Trump cheerleader. Nothing suspicious about that! Just a normal American coincidence. Like getting audited the week after criticizing the IRS.
CBS insists it’s not political, even as it slams the door on one of Trump’s most prominent satirical critics—right after paying hush money to the former president in the form of a legal settlement, like a mobster paying protection fees. “It’s just business,” they say. Funny how “just business” always seems to line up with Trump’s enemies list.
And don’t worry, 60 Minutes will remain “independent,” says the same company that just edited a presidential lawsuit into a licensing fee.
As for Colbert, he may land at a streamer, start a podcast, or just spend the next ten years roasting CBS from the comfort of his living room. Meanwhile, CBS will keep assuring us it supports free speech—just not too loudly, and definitely not after 11:35 p.m.
Because when comedy (and satire) starts making powerful people uncomfortable, the joke's over. Especially if the punchline threatens ad revenue.
It’s ALWAYS about the money and bottom line. They’ll sell their souls to ensure mergers happen, biz goes on, etc, etc. The damage is done CBS, ABC, Amazon, Meta, etc, etc. when the charlatan is permanently ensconced in Mara Lago Gaza some day playing golf with Bibi and the right wing thugs in his government, people are not going to forget the sell out of Congress and the 1% biz community. There WILL be accountability (Merrick Garland is gone).
GREAT selection! (BTW, I'm using Autopen for this, since it's true EVERY day!)
And we should never forget how Bondi asserted itself into Trump's good graces...
By waiting to decide if Florida would participate with numerous other states in the Trump University case.
She waited $25K worth...then declined. (I suspect Trump sees her differently than the rest of us do, having kissed his diaper earlier than many MAGAts did...and so cheaply!)