🧛🏻♂️"The Pale Prince of Deportation" Edition
Stephen Miller, America’s most haunted Victorian child, continues his lifelong mission to make white resentment federal policy. The brain behind Trump's “Muslim Ban,” family separations, and now the human Pokémon hunt of daily ICE raids, Miller tirelessly works to turn the U.S. into an armed gated community for “real Americans”—i.e., people he imagines look like stock photos from 1950s suburban catalogues.
According to Jean Guerrero's book, Hatemonger: Stephen Miller, Donald Trump, and the White Nationalist Agenda, Stephen Miller was practicing for his future career in cruelty even in high school. Back then, he was delivering speeches encouraging classmates to dump their trash for custodians to clean up—an early masterclass in punching down while pretending it's bold leadership.
Having failed to convince his high school classmates that janitors existed solely for his garbage, he graduated to convincing a sitting president that refugees were an existential threat to apple pie.
Miller’s latest bright idea? Turn ICE into a 24/7 door-to-door kidnapping service, demanding 3,000 arrests a day, because in his mind, the real problem with America is simply that there are still brown people in it.
Despite ICE’s staffing problems, Miller remains undeterred, seeing every child detained, every family shattered, as another step toward fulfilling his dystopian vision: a nation purged of diversity, run by terrified white voters who believe they're one taco truck away from civilizational collapse.
Of course, it’s all being framed as “public safety,” even as statistics show immigrants commit fewer crimes than the homegrown variety. But facts were never Miller’s forte—fear is. After years of practice on high school janitors, college liberals, and Fox News viewers, Miller’s perfected his pitch: be afraid, they’re coming to steal your jobs, your culture, and maybe even your property values.
While the data shows immigrants commit fewer crimes than Miller commits fashion offenses, that hasn’t stopped him from peddling his doomsday narrative. After all, nothing says “patriotism” like handcuffing toddlers and flying families to secret detention centers: a scene that somehow makes Guantanamo Bay look like Club Med.