⛪️“Tent Revival” Edition

Charlie Kirk’s memorial service looked less like a funeral and more like a political-religious tent revival, complete with Cabinet secretaries quoting the Gospels, podcasters declaring divine missions, and politicians suddenly discovering Jesus like He was polling well in swing states.

JD Vance admitted he’d spoken more about Christ in the last two weeks than in his entire political career, which, to be fair, is about as long as his tenure as a Trump loyalist. Pete Hegseth preached about needing “less government and more God,” which is a bold statement coming from the guy running the Department of Defense War. And Benny Johnson—a right-wing podcaster— went full Book of Revelation, thanking Trump’s White House for “wielding the sword against evil.” Because nothing says “What Would Jesus Do?” like praising drone strikes as holy work.

Trump, of course, couldn’t let the branding opportunity slip. While others canonized Kirk as a Christian martyr, Trump anointed him an American martyr—because in MAGA-land, the cross and the flag are basically interchangeable, as evidenced by the American flag lapel pin Jesus was often seen sporting on his robes around Galilee. “Our greatest evangelist for American liberty became immortal,” Trump said, sounding less like a grieving president and more like he was test-marketing a slogan for the 2026 rally circuit.

In short, the service blurred the line between altar call and campaign rally so thoroughly that even the Apostle Paul might’ve asked for a fact-check. What was billed as a tribute to Charlie Kirk became a sermon on the Gospel According to Trump: equal parts Bible verse, nationalism, and applause lines. Amen, and also vote Republican.

Scott Stantis - Tribune Content Agency

Pat Bagley - cagle.com/cartoonist/pat-bagley

KAL - Substack and Andrews McMeel

Jack Ohman - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

Dave Whamond - cagle.com/cartoonist/dave-whamond

Wlat Handelsman - Tribune Content Agency

Mike Luckovich - Creators

David Horsey - Tribune Content Agency

Joel Pett - Tribune Content Agency

The Supreme Court has once again demonstrated its signature brand of “colorblind justice,” which apparently means blindfolding itself whenever race might help someone, and laser-focusing on it whenever race can justify tossing someone into ICE custody.

In Los Angeles, immigration agents have been greenlit to stop people for the crime of looking Latino, speaking Spanish, or daring to wash cars for a living. Justice Kavanaugh reassured us it’s not just race. It’s race plus accents and poverty! Very holistic, almost like college admissions, except the prize is handcuffs instead of a dorm room.

Justice Sotomayor pointed out that this amounts to authorizing mass kidnappings of citizens and noncitizens alike. But hey, at least the Roberts Court is consistent: no race as a “plus factor” for Harvard applicants, but totally fine as a “minus factor” for people waiting at bus stops.

It’s a dazzling bit of judicial logic. Apparently, if you’re trying to diversify a freshman class, race is toxic. But if you’re trying to fill a detention center, ¡adelante! The hypocrisy is so blatant it should come with its own syllabus.

The Court has invented a new doctrine: “Affirmative Action for Deportation.” Because “equal protection” means protecting the right to discriminate, as long as it’s in the service of mass raids and political theater.