🐚“Seashells” Edition

In a bold new frontier for law enforcement, the Justice Department has indicted James Comey for the high crime of…posting a picture of seashells.

Yes, shells. Arranged on a beach. Forming numbers that, with enough imagination—and perhaps a whiteboard, a conspiracy podcast, and a willingness to skip several logical steps—can be interpreted as a coded assassination threat against the president.

Comey, apparently unaware that he was dabbling in coastal terrorism, said he thought the shells were just a quirky political message. Prosecutors, however, have embraced a more cutting-edge theory of criminal intent: if someone, somewhere, could interpret it as a threat, then congratulations. You’ve committed one.

Officials insist there’s been a “tremendous amount of investigation,” though they’re not quite ready to explain what exactly it uncovered, beyond the shocking discovery that seashells can, in fact, be arranged into numbers.

Meanwhile, allies of the president have reacted with the appropriate level of restraint, calling for prison time over what may be the most dangerous beach photo since someone built a sandcastle too close to a seagull.

This marks the second attempt to prosecute Comey, because if at first you don’t succeed, simply keep digging until you find a shoreline.

Mike Luckovich - Creators

Rick McKee - cagle.com/mckee

Matt Davies - Andrews McMeel

Bill Bramhall - Tribune Content Agency

Chris Britt - Creators

Jack Ohman - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

Matt Wuerker - Andrews McMeel

Steve Sack - cagle.com/sack

Drew Sheneman - Substack and Tribune Content Agency