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It's Trump's military parade day!

Jun 14, 2025

Trump’s military parade was less about honoring the troops and more about stroking the fragile ego of a man who thinks camouflage is a tactic to hide the truth. He envisioned armored personnel carriers rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue like it was the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Except instead of Snoopy floats, we’d get synchronized missile launchers and a bald eagle shooting fireworks out of its eyes.

Picture tanks grinding up D.C. pavement while Trump stands on a gold-painted podium, saluting himself like a Cheeto-dusted Napoleon, as fighter jets spell out “Dear Leader” in the sky. He didn’t want a show of unity or strength—he wanted a fascist-themed catwalk where the real star was his reflection in the mirrored aviators of a confused National Guardsman.

The Pentagon balked at the price tag, but Trump was undeterred—after all, what’s $40 million when you’re trying to prove your bone spurs don’t disqualify you from cosplay dictator-in-chief? Somewhere along the line, it became less a tribute to the troops and more a live-action flex of one man's need for approval from Fox & Friends.