👑“Prince Andrew” Edition

Donald Trump has bravely entered the royal scandal chat, offering his trademark empathy and insight by calling the Prince Andrew situation “too bad.” The U.S. president, noted expert on moral tragedy and tasteful friendships, said he feels “badly” for the royal family, because demonstrating compassion for the feelings of a billionaire monarch while being dismisive of abuse survivors screams leadership and Christian values.

Meanwhile, new reports reveal that Andrew repeatedly blocked palace statements supporting Epstein’s victims, preferring his public relations strategy of not mentioning them ever again. Apparently, the former prince had a standing royal veto on empathy until his father finally yanked his titles, leaving him as “Andrew, Dipshit of Windsor.”

King Charles’ new statement—expressing sympathy for abuse survivors—marks the monarchy’s long-awaited realization that victims exist and perhaps deserve a mention. Trump, of course, focused on the real tragedy: the royal family’s discomfort. It’s a touching reminder that across the Atlantic, two very different dynasties are united by one shared motto: never apologize, just rebrand.

Rob Rogers - Andrews McMeel

Jimmy Margulies - King Features

John Cole - cagle.com/cartoonist/john-cole

Drew Sheneman - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

Ted Rall - Andrews McMeel

Lalo Alcaraz - Andrews McMeel

Pedro Molina - Tinyview and Tribune Content Agency

Michael Ramirez - Creators

Jack Ohman - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

The Trump administration’s latest adventure in “nuclear diplomacy” got an urgent cleanup this weekend, as Energy Secretary Chris Wright went on Fox News to assure Americans that, no, the president’s promise to “start testing our Nuclear Weapons immediately” does not mean we should start shopping for fallout shelters. “These are non-criticalexplosions,” Wright explained. Translation: big booms, but not mushroom cloud big. Just enough to make the neighbors nervous.

The clarification followed Trump’s Truth Social post declaring, “I HATED to do it, but had no choice!”—which, historically, precedes many bad ideas. He said the U.S. would start nuclear testing again “on an equal basis” with other countries, apparently confusing “equal basis” with “restarting the Cold War for fun.” Wright and the Pentagon have since been sprinting through TV studios explaining that what the president meant was more of a “vibe test” than an actual detonation.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth assured allies that “peace through strength” remains the motto, though “peace through almost explosions” might be more accurate. Meanwhile, senators, scientists, and pretty much anyone who’s seen a mushroom cloud in a movie begged Trump to read his briefing materials before accidentally kickstarting the next arms race.

For now, the administration promises that no one in Nevada should expect a glowing skyline… at least not yet. America’s nuclear posture remains strong, confusing, and, above all, televised live on Fox & Friends.