👑"No Kings" Edition
Donald Trump threw himself a big, shiny military parade for his birthday—complete with tanks, helicopters, fireworks, and just enough people to fill a Chick-fil-A on a Tuesday. Despite millions spent and thousands of troops on display, the crowd was underwhelming, the chants of “USA” were sporadic and sleepy, and the atmosphere felt more like a humid county fair than a show of American might.
Kids climbed on tanks like jungle gyms, TikTokers scrolled through their feeds mid-parade, and one man in an Infowars shirt kept yelling “bring out the tanks!!” like it was a monster truck rally that was mistakenly double-booked with a Toyota Prius convention. Trump’s fans turned up to cheer him on (some wearing QAnon jewelry and “King Trump” shirts), but so did plenty of skeptics, some even carrying signs reminding folks that patriotism isn’t a MAGA trademark.