🪖"Military Parade" Edition

Just when you thought your tax dollars couldn't be spent in a more creatively useless way, Donald Trump is throwing himself a $45 million military parade—because nothing says “celebrating democracy” like flattening roads with tanks on your own birthday.

Set for June 14 (conveniently, Trump's 79th), the parade is billed as a tribute to the Army’s 250th anniversary, but it’s really more of a vanity project with the conspicuous aura of a wannabe-dictator convention. Along with thousands of troops and armored vehicles, it promises a $16 million pothole bonanza for Washington, D.C., because what’s a celebration without a little urban destruction (just ask Los Angeles)?

Meanwhile, the president has been slashing funding for, you know, science, climate research, and programs that help actual people, so this is the equivalent of skipping your child’s dentist appointment to buy a flamethrower for your birthday cake.