⚕️“Medic-raid” Edition

Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill” isn’t just a tax plan; it’s a five-point masterclass in how to make health care harder to access while pretending it’s all about fiscal responsibility. Here’s how this legislative beauty trims the fat (and by fat, we mean coverage for the poor, sick, rural, and immigrant):

1. Work or Die Trying:
Medicaid now comes with a job requirement! Can’t prove you’re working 80 hours a month, volunteering, or taking night classes while juggling childcare and car repairs? Say goodbye to coverage! Bonus: states that didn’t expand Medicaid get a free pass—because no bad deed goes unrewarded.

2. Rural Hospitals? Optional.
What’s a hospital, anyway? Just a building where poor people go to be a burden. The bill cuts a key funding loophole that states use to keep rural hospitals afloat. The result? Over 300 hospitals in red states may shut down—but don’t worry, a totally adequate $50 billion band-aid fund is included.

3. Goodbye, Easy Obamacare Signups:
Under this bill, re-enrolling in ACA plans will require more paperwork than a CIA background check. Miss a form? Pay full price. Need coverage after losing your job? Wait your turn—and pay first. Fraud prevention, they call it. Inconvenient, inaccessible, and ineffective, says everyone else.

4. Medicaid, Now with Surprise Copays!
If you make more than $15,650 a year, congrats, you’re rich enough to pay $35 every time you need care. Because nothing says “bootstrap” like charging the working poor for the privilege of being broke. Emergency room? Better make sure you're actually dying, or be ready for extra charges.

5. Lawfully Present Immigrants? Not Lawfully Covered.
Even legal immigrants aren’t safe. Many will lose access to subsidies for ACA plans, because what’s more American than blaming refugees and asylum-seekers for rising premiums? Bonus: As younger, healthier immigrants exit the system, premiums for everyone else go up. MAGA math wins again.

Trump’s big, beautiful bill doesn’t just reform health care access—it sticks it in a blender, turns it to “puree,” and pours it out in the middle of an alligator swamp.

Mike Luckovich - Creators

Clay Bennett - Tribune Content Agency

Jeff Danziger - Tribune Content Agency

Robert Arial - Andrews McMeel

David Horsey - Tribune Content Agency

Rob Rogers - Andrews McMeel

Pedro Molina - Tribune Content Agency

Bill Bramhall - Tribune Content Agency

Clay Jones - Claytoonz

In a plot twist no screenwriter would dare submit, Paramount Global has agreed to fork over $16 million to settle Donald Trump's $20 billion tantrum over a “60 Minutes” segment—proving that when it comes to press freedom, money talks, and CBS walks.

The media giant insists the payout doesn’t go directly to Trump, just to his lawyers and his presidential library fund, which is somehow supposed to make us feel better. (Spoiler: It doesn’t.)

Critics, journalists, and what’s left of Edward R. Murrow’s ghost are all screaming: “Spineless capitulation!” Apparently, standing by your newsroom is optional when you're trying to grease the wheels of an $8 billion merger with Trump-blessed Skydance Media. Nothing says “integrity” like trading journalistic independence for corporate convenience.

Meanwhile, First Amendment advocates warned that the move is basically an engraved invitation for future presidents to edit broadcast journalism with a Sharpie and a legal team. “A cold wind just blew through every newsroom,” one lawyer said, as CBS quietly packed up its spine and mailed it to Mar-a-Lago.

Next up: look for “All the President’s Lawyers” streaming exclusively on Paramount+.