đâMAGA Christiansâ Edition
In a nation now accustomed to moral whiplash, President Trumpâs last few weeks in office offered yet another spiritual obstacle course for American Christians, many of whom continue tryingâheroically, creatively, acrobaticallyâto reconcile the gospel with the behavior of the man they insist is its political guardian.
It wasnât one particular remark this time. Not one viral insult, not one catchy slur. Instead, it was the whole carousel of presidential conduct: a rotating display of grift, vengeance, gaudy excess, and random military explosions dressed up as foreign policy.
The president has been boasting about killing suspected narcoterrorists in the Caribbean: suspected, in this case, meaning the administration had strong feelings, a satellite photo vaguely shaped like a boat, and an itchy trigger finger. As theologians gently reminded the public, Jesusâfamously anti-extrajudicial-killingâwas known for healing the sick, not blowing up fishing vessels and calling it righteousness.
Then there are the reports of pardons connected to crypto-fueled fundraising schemes, prompting Christian ethicists to note that the Sermon on the Mount includes many topics (mercy, humility, the poor), but shockingly no section titled: âBlessed Are the Grifters, for Theirs Is the Kingdom of Money for Favors.â
And, in a flourish of imperial dĂ©cor, the White House has unveiled newly installed gold ornamentation that looked less like the seat of a democratic republic and more like King Herodâs guest lobby. Visitors were encouraged to admire the âhistoric enhancements,â a phrase which here means âtheocrats of old would roll their eyes and say, âtone it down.ââ
Throughout all of this, many MAGA-aligned Christians remained steadfast, insisting that nothing about Trumpâs behavior conflicted with their faith, an assertion rivaled only by the claim that sandals with socks are fashionable. They repeated the familiar refrains: He fights for us. He tells it like it is. Heâs Godâs chosen hammer for a decadent world.
Meanwhile, pastors and biblical scholars quietly flipped through Scripture with the air of people attempting to solve a mystery: Where, exactly, had Jesus endorsed preemptive airstrikes on strangers? Where had he approved selling access to forgiveness? Where had he advocated gilding the halls of earthly power like a Vegas hotel lobby?
Their search was unsuccessful.
Because the truthâawkward, obvious, and increasingly unavoidableâis that the behaviors now being excused, rationalized, and sometimes celebrated by MAGA Christianity bear no resemblance to the ethic of the man they call Lord. The Jesus of the gospels washed feet, not reputations. He fed the hungry, not donor networks. He comforted the lowly, not the well-connected. He preached humility while MAGA leaders auction off loyalty like itâs an NFT.
If Jesus returned and saw what weâre calling âChristian politics,â heâd overturn more than tables, and MAGA would crucify himâmetaphorically speakingâfor his âwokeâ politics.
And yet, the movement persists, caught between worshipping Christ and worshipping power, between following the cross and following a man who prefers gold-plated everything.
The moment demands clarity, not contortion. Because no sermon, no spin, no late-night devotional can bridge the gap between the teachings of Jesus and the spectacle unfolding in Washington.
Angelo Lopez - Cartoon Movement
Dave Whamond - cagle.com/whamond
Nick Anderson - Substack and Tribune Content Agency
KAL - Substack and Andrews McMeel
Jimmy Margulies - King Features
John Darkow - cagle.com/darkow
Jack Ohman - Substack and Tribune Content Agency
Mike Luckovich - Creators
Rob Rogers - Substack and Andrews McMeel
Donald Trump arrived in Mount Pocono, Pennsylvania, on Tuesday determinedâaccording to aides, banners, and the trembling teleprompterâto reboot his presidency and convince Americans he totally understands their financial misery. Unfortunately for everyone involved (except the casino bar selling double margaritas), the reboot immediately crashed, rewound itself into a 2016 campaign rally, and began shouting about immigrants and âshithole countries.â
It was supposed to be an economic speech, a serious reset, a sober acknowledgment that Americans are struggling to pay for groceries. Instead, it quickly transformed into a 90-minute freestyle rant in which affordability was âa hoax,â charts were waved like holy relics, and Ilhan Omar was insulted so aggressively that the crowd spontaneously broke into a xenophobia-themed karaoke session.
Trump insisted he has âno higher priority than making America affordable again,â a claim delivered while standing beneath a giant sign declaring Lower Prices, Bigger Paychecks, moments before mocking the very idea that prices are high. He then graded the economy: âA-plus-plus-plus-plus-plus.â
Given the Orwellian reality warp, âdouble-plus-goodâ might have been more apropos.
When he wasnât praising his own imaginary statistics, Trump revived all the old hits: Biden impressions, border conspiracies, and his signature âweave:â the rhetorical zig-zag he calls a speaking style but which seems more like rapidly advancing dementia.
Then came the racial material, which poured out of him like someone shaking the last ketchup from an old bottle. He mocked Omarâs name, her head covering, her citizenship, her life story, and reality itself. He re-litigated whether he called African nations âshithole countriesâ by proudly confirming yes, thatâs exactly what he said. He wondered aloud why America canât get more immigrants from Norway, because he couldnât think of another country with more white people.
Meanwhile, the affordability portion of the eventâagain, the actual reason for being thereâkept tripping over Trumpâs own record. Prices have risen under his tariffs, which he first denied, then admitted âmay, in some cases,â have contributed to inflation, as though tariffs are mysterious natural occurrences like solar flares.
Still, Trump assured everyone that prices are âcoming down tremendously,â despite the Consumer Price Index and the entire known universe disagreeing. He blamed Biden anyway, waving graphs that looked like his staff might have recreated them from Trumpâs Sharpie-on-napkin drawings.
The rally ended with Trump dancing to âYMCA,â the traditional musical cue that signaled the nullification of any policy claims made minutes earlier. Supporters chanted âfour more years!â despite constitutional law, basic math, and historical precedent.
In Trump time, three years and two months is an eternity.
For everyone else, itâs starting to feel more like a sentence.









We are living in a nightmare.
It felt like a sentence when he was declared winner