🐦‍⬛“Jim Crow” Edition

And more Epstein cartoons

Republicans have unveiled what they believe is the ultimate airtight argument for strict voter ID laws: buying a six-pack of beer is hard, so voting should be too. After all, if the nation can heroically stop a 20-year-old from sneaking a Coors Light, surely it must deploy similar force to stop the epidemic of voter impersonation, which, according to their own favorite fraud database, occurs at the staggering rate of roughly one guy per year in a nation of 330 million.

The comparison is elegant in its simplicity. Alcohol is a recreational privilege; voting is a constitutional right, but why split hairs? If anything, the logic suggests we’ve been far too lax with democracy. Perhaps ballots should only be sold at liquor stores, with a two-drink minimum and a bouncer checking birth certificates under a blacklight.

Of course, the tiny wrinkle is that while millions of Americans lack passports or updated citizenship documents, almost none are impersonating voters. Which means the SAVE Act would solve the urgent national crisis of nonexistent fraud by heroically preventing actual citizens from voting. Think of it as locking the stadium gates to prevent streakers, right after evacuating all the fans.

But the beer analogy remains politically useful. It reframes voting not as a foundational right, but as a suspicious transaction requiring scrutiny, something you’re lucky to be allowed to do, assuming your paperwork is in order and your existence can be verified to the satisfaction of the bartender of democracy. Cheers to that.

Clay Bennett - Tribune Content Agency

Pedro Molina - Tinyview and Tribune Content Agency

Mike Luckovich - Creators

Steve Sack - cagle.com/sack

Matt Davies - Andrews McMeel

Jimmy Margulies - King Features

David Horsey - Tribune Content Agency

Rob Rogers - Substack and Andrews McMeel

John Deering - Creators

Kristi Noem reportedly demonstrated the full might of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security by declaring war on its most dangerous enemy yet: a missing blanket. When her cozy in-flight security apparatus failed to transfer properly between planes, her aide Corey Lewandowski sprang into action, heroically firing the Coast Guard pilot responsible for this textile-related national security breach, only to sheepishly rehire them moments later upon realizing that grounding your pilot mid-trip complicates getting yourself home.

The department insisted these were simply “personnel decisions to deliver excellence,” presumably referring to excellence in impulsive tantrums followed by immediate take-backs. It’s all part of a broader leadership strategy that reportedly includes polygraphing employees, purging staff, and creating a workplace environment where the greatest threat isn’t geopolitical instability but forgetting the boss’s favorite throw blanket.

Critics might argue this raises questions about priorities at an agency tasked with protecting the country. But in fairness, if you can’t trust your aviation personnel to safeguard your blankie, how can you trust them with the homeland?