😵"Habeas Corpse" Edition

In a Senate hearing Tuesday that might as well have been a "Schoolhouse Rock" episode gone wrong, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem offered a bold reinterpretation of habeas corpus — claiming it’s a presidential right to deport people. That’s one way to describe due process — if you’re playing constitutional Mad Libs.

Senator Maggie Hassan had barely finished her question when Noem confidently declared that habeas corpus gives the president the power to boot people from the country. Hassan, in the role of bemused civics teacher, quickly corrected her, explaining that habeas corpus is actually a foundational legal principle that stops the government from tossing people into prison just because it feels like it.

When pressed on whether she knew what part of the Constitution actually contains the suspension clause, Noem responded with the constitutional equivalent of “I didn’t do the reading.” (Spoiler: it’s Article I, which outlines Congressional powers — not presidential ones.)

Noem did manage to recall that Abraham Lincoln once suspended habeas corpus, conveniently leaving out that courts ruled against him and that subsequent suspensions have required congressional approval.

In the end, Noem insisted no one is currently planning to suspend the rule, but added — somewhat ominously — that presidents should be able to consider it. Nothing says “freedom” like being detained without explanation — just don’t call it unconstitutional if you’re the one doing it.

By Jeff Danziger (Counterpoint Media)

By Jack Ohman - Tribune Content Agency (Related News Link)

By Mike Luckovich - Creators (Related News Link)

By Chip Bok - Creators (Related News Link)

Walt Handelsman - Tribune Content Agency (Related News Link)

Steve Breen - Creators (Related News Link)

Rob Rogers - Andrews McMeel (Related News Link)

Ted Rall - Andrews McMeel (Related News Link)

Clay Bennett (Counterpoint Media) turns the tables on the MAGA crowd over one of the strangest “scandals” we’ve seen since President Obama wore a tan suit.

Former FBI Director and part-time beachcomber James Comey found himself under the Secret Service’s magnifying glass after posting an Instagram photo of seashells spelling out “86 47.” To most, it was a quirky beach find. To Trump World? A sinister murder manifesto straight out of a Dan Brown fever dream.

Comey claims it was an innocent snapshot inspired by his wife’s diner lingo—“86” meaning “out of stock,” and “47” referring to the 47th president. Trump, of course, interpreted it as a call to assassinate the current Commander-in-Chief. “A child knows what that meant,” Trump insisted, proving once again that he and subtlety are not on speaking terms.

Pressed by MSNBC’s Nicolle Wallace, Comey doubled down on the innocence defense: “It’s hard to regret something that looks like the world’s most boring ransom note made of shells.” He even complimented the Secret Service for their professionalism, noting that they treated him like someone who merely collects seashells and poor judgment — not a threat to national security.

Asked whether he feared jail time, especially after Tulsi Gabbard suggested locking him up, Comey dismissed the idea as “ridiculous” — though probably not as ridiculous as needing a Senate hearing to decode beach art.

In the end, Comey shrugged off the drama, implying that if seashells are now grounds for federal investigation, we’re all just one sandcastle away from sedition.