🫢“Epstein Update” Edition

Donald Trump’s Epstein mess has now entered the “Lordy, I hope there are tapes” chapter — except these tapes star Ghislaine Maxwell, who’s just been whisked from a low-security lockup to Club Fed: Khaki Edition. Deputy Attorney General (and former Trump defense lawyer) Todd Blanche spent two cozy days with her, and the White House is now floating the idea of releasing a transcript to “end the scandal.”

Because nothing kills conspiracy theories faster than… releasing a heavily redacted document from a convicted sex trafficker in the middle of a scandal involving your boss.

The House Oversight Committee is playing its own farce, issuing subpoenas to a greatest-hits list of political boogeymen—the Clintons, Comey, Mueller—while somehow forgetting Trump, Alex Acosta, and literally any victim. This is “transparency” in the same way a casino window is “natural light.”

Maxwell’s lawyers are begging to keep grand jury transcripts sealed, claiming “due process” while she appeals—lawyer-speak for “she’s still valuable to powerful people.” Victims are livid, MAGA influencers are working the conspiracy mills like industrial revolution factory owners, and the DOJ is doing an interpretive dance between cover-up and CYA.