🤯“Epstein Document Dump” Edition

In Washington’s latest episode of The Swamp vs. The Sex Offender Files, the House is gearing up for an all-out cage match over the Jeffrey Epstein documents, because apparently America hasn’t suffered enough this year.

After a 50-day shutdown, Arizona Democrat Adelita Grijalva was finally be sworn in, just in time to add the 218th signature to the discharge petition that forces a vote Trump has been dodging like a process server outside Mar-a-Lago. The petition, crafted by the unlikely duo of libertarian Thomas Massie and progressive Ro Khanna.

Speaker Mike Johnson, meanwhile, is trapped in his own Kafka novel, trying to convince Republicans not to vote for something he already promised not to stop. Trump keeps calling the whole thing a “Democratic hoax,” which is exactly what you’d say if your name kept showing up in Epstein’s “birthday book” next to a note that says “Best wishes, Jeff!”

The coming floor fight promises all the ingredients of modern governance: performative bipartisanship, panicked backpedaling, and the faint aroma of scandal wafting from Palm Beach. By December, the House will either release the Epstein files or bury them again under another round of “technical delays.” Either way, it’s sure to be another historic victory for transparency, just as soon as everyone finishes hiding the evidence.

Pedro Molina - Tinyview and Tribune Content Agency

Matt Davies - Andrews McMeel

Bill Bramhall - Tribune Content Agency

Rick McKee - cagle.com/mckee

Nick Anderson - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

Chris Britt - Epstein Files

Adam Zyglis - cagle.com/zyglis

Drew Sheneman - Substack and Tribune Content Agency

Jimmy Margulies - King Features

Even The Wall Street Journal—that reliable friend of the moneyed and mortgage-minded—took one look at Trump’s new “50-year mortgage” idea and said, essentially, “Are you kidding me?”

Apparently, after the Democrats’ election sweep, Trump decided the way to win back America’s struggling homebuyers is to… let them be in debt until retirement and beyond. The plan, sold to him by Bill Pulte (the new housing czar-slash-mortgage evangelist), promises to lower monthly payments, by ensuring you’ll pay roughly three houses’ worth of interest over the life of one.

The Journal, which usually applauds creative capitalism, practically screamed into its cufflinks: this isn’t affordability, it’s financial taxidermy; you’ll look like a homeowner, but you’ll never be alive long enough to own the home.

We’ve seen this movie before: stretch out the loans, inflate the bubble, cue the crash. Only this time, the sequel stars elderly millennials making their last mortgage payment from a nursing home.

Even the WSJ, which typically finds a way to turn any deregulation into a patriotic miracle, couldn’t spin this one. When they call your plan “a bad deal,” you’ve truly hit the subprime jackpot.